Theories to Consider
When I was a teenager, I made some dumb decisions.
Hopefully that's not shocking to anyone, as that's something every teenager does, to one extent or another. I didn't rob any banks or kill anyone, but I made some decisions that caused a lot of personal turmoil for me, and complicated my life a lot. My one, feeble little solace in this turmoil was the thought, "At least it's not hurting anyone else."
I learned this week about theories that explain how families function together, which I'll explain a little more in depth in a minute, but it made me realize how false that idea was that I had, as a member of a family. If you're a part of a family, the decisions that you make, be they good or bad, never affect only you. It's extremely difficult to predict how the decisions you make will influence someone, but it's sure that they will. These theories helped me to better understand how exactly those decisions to influence the people close to us, especially our families, and what to be conscious of, so I wanted to share them here!
The first is called Systems Theory. It's basically the above idea, that what influences one member of a family influences the whole. It also deals with a concept called 'circular causality', which is what happens when your brother is hogging the computer, so you go and eat the rest of his favorite food in the fridge, which makes him angry, so he goes and breaks something of yours, which makes mom mad, etc. Sound familiar?
The second is called Exchange Theory. This involves the idea of a relationship revolving around trade-offs -- that in order for a relationship, be that in a couple or in a family, to be worth the time and effort, the benefits that come from the work put into it must be greater than the cost. I agree that there needs to be both give and take in every relationship, but there has to be balance with it in order for a healthy relationship to exist.
Third, Symbolic Interactions Theory: Everyone interprets different actions and circumstances differently. This theory revolves around perspectives, and how actions have almost a symbolic quality to so many people. For example, if your husband is more quiet than normal, it may be easy to start to worry: is he upset? Did you do something to upset him? Is he thinking about someone else? Did he have a bad day? Or is he just deep in thought? For different people, these could be some potential interpretations of a behavior, and all the while your husband may just be thinking about his ideal drum kit and is just really invested in daydreaming. I think this theory is fascinating, because our perspectives, while we can't control every thought that pops into our minds, are something that we can temper. Maybe think about how quickly you interpret other people's actions, and determine to keep an open mind when you do.
And, finally, something called Conflict Theory: I mentioned something called a "struggle bus" in my post last week, and that's kind of what this theory is about. It's the idea that conflict in relations to other people is inevitable, that not everyone can be satisfied, and that everyone has to struggle for stability through conflict with other people. I don't particularly like this theory, simply because I feel like conflict is something that we should all be continually striving to resolve in order for peace to exist, but there is some truth to it.
These are only theories, and it's not for sure that they exist in every relationship or family group, but elements of them are something that I've experienced personally; I think that elements of them do exist in family relations, and they're something that I want to keep in mind in order to hopefully influence my present family and my future family for the better. Teenagers will still make dumb decisions, but it helps to understand why, and how to help.
Hopefully that's not shocking to anyone, as that's something every teenager does, to one extent or another. I didn't rob any banks or kill anyone, but I made some decisions that caused a lot of personal turmoil for me, and complicated my life a lot. My one, feeble little solace in this turmoil was the thought, "At least it's not hurting anyone else."
I learned this week about theories that explain how families function together, which I'll explain a little more in depth in a minute, but it made me realize how false that idea was that I had, as a member of a family. If you're a part of a family, the decisions that you make, be they good or bad, never affect only you. It's extremely difficult to predict how the decisions you make will influence someone, but it's sure that they will. These theories helped me to better understand how exactly those decisions to influence the people close to us, especially our families, and what to be conscious of, so I wanted to share them here!
The first is called Systems Theory. It's basically the above idea, that what influences one member of a family influences the whole. It also deals with a concept called 'circular causality', which is what happens when your brother is hogging the computer, so you go and eat the rest of his favorite food in the fridge, which makes him angry, so he goes and breaks something of yours, which makes mom mad, etc. Sound familiar?
The second is called Exchange Theory. This involves the idea of a relationship revolving around trade-offs -- that in order for a relationship, be that in a couple or in a family, to be worth the time and effort, the benefits that come from the work put into it must be greater than the cost. I agree that there needs to be both give and take in every relationship, but there has to be balance with it in order for a healthy relationship to exist.
Third, Symbolic Interactions Theory: Everyone interprets different actions and circumstances differently. This theory revolves around perspectives, and how actions have almost a symbolic quality to so many people. For example, if your husband is more quiet than normal, it may be easy to start to worry: is he upset? Did you do something to upset him? Is he thinking about someone else? Did he have a bad day? Or is he just deep in thought? For different people, these could be some potential interpretations of a behavior, and all the while your husband may just be thinking about his ideal drum kit and is just really invested in daydreaming. I think this theory is fascinating, because our perspectives, while we can't control every thought that pops into our minds, are something that we can temper. Maybe think about how quickly you interpret other people's actions, and determine to keep an open mind when you do.
And, finally, something called Conflict Theory: I mentioned something called a "struggle bus" in my post last week, and that's kind of what this theory is about. It's the idea that conflict in relations to other people is inevitable, that not everyone can be satisfied, and that everyone has to struggle for stability through conflict with other people. I don't particularly like this theory, simply because I feel like conflict is something that we should all be continually striving to resolve in order for peace to exist, but there is some truth to it.
These are only theories, and it's not for sure that they exist in every relationship or family group, but elements of them are something that I've experienced personally; I think that elements of them do exist in family relations, and they're something that I want to keep in mind in order to hopefully influence my present family and my future family for the better. Teenagers will still make dumb decisions, but it helps to understand why, and how to help.
Comments
Post a Comment