Faithfully
Sex is an awkward topic.
That's probably a very unnecessary statement, but it's important enough, it's worth saying. Views on sexual relations are something that that have changed astronomically over the last century -- emphasis on fidelity, the definitions of appropriate context and occurrence, a trend towards a casual attitude in relation to it, to say the least, have completely transformed as far as the world's stance is concerned.
There are a ton of different aspects of the way that our society and generations view sex that I could talk about, but I want to focus on fidelity in this post. I've never been married and because of that, I recognize that I'm not qualified to give a lot of personal experiences on in that respect, but, without many personal details, it's something that I am very passionate about, so I'll give as much personal insight as I can.
Many people have the misconception that infidelity consists of physically being unfaithful, or cheating on, a significant other, especially a spouse. What many people don't understand is that it extends far beyond that, beyond even the realm of physical action. Infidelity is classified into four different categories:
Sexual: This is the commonly thought-of type of infidelity: physically having sexual relations with someone whilst in a committed relationship with someone else. This is terribly destructive to family structures, personal worth, and trust.
Emotional: Even when someone might never in a million years consider being sexually unfaithful to their partner or spouse, conflict is part of every relationship. Because of this, partners in a relationship have a choice: either allow your conflicts to draw you closer together, or turn to other sources for commiseration and comfort. How often, when your husband is doing something annoying, is it tempting to go spend time, even just online, with an old guy friend, just catching up or having a casual conversation? That in itself, if that's as far as it goes, isn't evil, but it's very easy for thoughts to turn from just casual conversation to a comparison between the strengths of that other person and the weaknesses of your annoying spouse. When more of your trust and confidence is placed in another person and taken away from your spouse, emotional infidelity can easily become an issue, especially when wishing your spouse were more like someone else becomes an issue.
Visual: One word: Pornography. Pornography is defined as anything which has the purpose to arouse one sexually, either through being overtly sexual or by distortion of reality. I had a friend once that thought that pornography could be a healthy factor in a relationship, kind of an educator and a stimulant in one. I didn't agree with this friend, and had a strong personal conviction that it was poisonous and unfaithful in a relationship, but I didn't know how to say so. Pornography ended up destroying this friend's then-current relationship, and many following. It changed them, because it distorted their perceptions of what was real. They weren't satisfied anymore with what they had, and as far as I know, they're still on their quest searching for something that doesn't exist. It's sad to me.
Fantasy: This begins mentally, and sometimes only ever is mental, but having fantasies about people you would rather be with, and things you would rather be doing with them, is still infidelity. One of the oldest standards about adultery reads, "... whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. (Bible, Matthew 5:28)" This behavior is poisonous, like pornography, because it takes away from reality, and has a tendency to either distort perceptions or, like so many other thoughts, lead to actions.
As time goes on, our society is placing more and more emphasis on how desirable sex is, causing it to appear as the pinnacle of relationships, the end to which everyone ought to be striving. As sexual relations are focused on, though, something else gets swept under the rug a little. This is intimacy, something which is confused with sex itself a lot of the time. Even with the hypersexualization of our world, studies still show that in relationships, both men and women both want the feeling of being safe and connected with another person. In order for sexual relations and stability to both be factors, there must be an emotional connection before physical connections, because sex and intimacy are not the same thing. Both are essential to a healthy marriage, and to know the differences between them, and violations of them individually is makes fidelity not only possible, but happy.
That's probably a very unnecessary statement, but it's important enough, it's worth saying. Views on sexual relations are something that that have changed astronomically over the last century -- emphasis on fidelity, the definitions of appropriate context and occurrence, a trend towards a casual attitude in relation to it, to say the least, have completely transformed as far as the world's stance is concerned.
There are a ton of different aspects of the way that our society and generations view sex that I could talk about, but I want to focus on fidelity in this post. I've never been married and because of that, I recognize that I'm not qualified to give a lot of personal experiences on in that respect, but, without many personal details, it's something that I am very passionate about, so I'll give as much personal insight as I can.
Many people have the misconception that infidelity consists of physically being unfaithful, or cheating on, a significant other, especially a spouse. What many people don't understand is that it extends far beyond that, beyond even the realm of physical action. Infidelity is classified into four different categories:
Sexual: This is the commonly thought-of type of infidelity: physically having sexual relations with someone whilst in a committed relationship with someone else. This is terribly destructive to family structures, personal worth, and trust.
Emotional: Even when someone might never in a million years consider being sexually unfaithful to their partner or spouse, conflict is part of every relationship. Because of this, partners in a relationship have a choice: either allow your conflicts to draw you closer together, or turn to other sources for commiseration and comfort. How often, when your husband is doing something annoying, is it tempting to go spend time, even just online, with an old guy friend, just catching up or having a casual conversation? That in itself, if that's as far as it goes, isn't evil, but it's very easy for thoughts to turn from just casual conversation to a comparison between the strengths of that other person and the weaknesses of your annoying spouse. When more of your trust and confidence is placed in another person and taken away from your spouse, emotional infidelity can easily become an issue, especially when wishing your spouse were more like someone else becomes an issue.
Visual: One word: Pornography. Pornography is defined as anything which has the purpose to arouse one sexually, either through being overtly sexual or by distortion of reality. I had a friend once that thought that pornography could be a healthy factor in a relationship, kind of an educator and a stimulant in one. I didn't agree with this friend, and had a strong personal conviction that it was poisonous and unfaithful in a relationship, but I didn't know how to say so. Pornography ended up destroying this friend's then-current relationship, and many following. It changed them, because it distorted their perceptions of what was real. They weren't satisfied anymore with what they had, and as far as I know, they're still on their quest searching for something that doesn't exist. It's sad to me.
Fantasy: This begins mentally, and sometimes only ever is mental, but having fantasies about people you would rather be with, and things you would rather be doing with them, is still infidelity. One of the oldest standards about adultery reads, "... whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. (Bible, Matthew 5:28)" This behavior is poisonous, like pornography, because it takes away from reality, and has a tendency to either distort perceptions or, like so many other thoughts, lead to actions.
As time goes on, our society is placing more and more emphasis on how desirable sex is, causing it to appear as the pinnacle of relationships, the end to which everyone ought to be striving. As sexual relations are focused on, though, something else gets swept under the rug a little. This is intimacy, something which is confused with sex itself a lot of the time. Even with the hypersexualization of our world, studies still show that in relationships, both men and women both want the feeling of being safe and connected with another person. In order for sexual relations and stability to both be factors, there must be an emotional connection before physical connections, because sex and intimacy are not the same thing. Both are essential to a healthy marriage, and to know the differences between them, and violations of them individually is makes fidelity not only possible, but happy.
Comments
Post a Comment