You Don't Know Everything

"You don't know everything, but you know enough." 

- Neil L. Anderson

I've always been the person to start vehemently shaking my head and insistently "Nope"-ing when seeing people moving very quickly in relationships. The idea of committing to someone, especially in the form of engagement or marriage, after a very short time has always terrified me. Maybe it's because my perspective on my relationships has always been, by default, that they're meant to last. So while some quickly-formed relationships are absolutely beautiful and last for a lifetime, it's difficult to make something with someone you don't know. That's what scares me.

On the other hand, I believe the above quote. It's impossible to know everything about a person, and the more so if you're hoping to both know and have a relationship with them prior to being 92 years old, but it is possible to know enough about someone in order to have a happy life with them. There are just some things that are absolutely necessary to know about a person, and some that can wait until later.

And then, between the two, there's my current personal experience: I met my significant other about a year and a half ago, but our correspondence was very limited (we were missionaries) up until about two months ago. Since then, our relationship has been progressing very quickly. It's a long-distance relationship for the time being, which means some aspects of normal relationships are not currently an option, but it is a relationship that I want to succeed. And I'm finding that there isn't a set amount of time that is best for getting to know someone before it's right to make a relationship serious; it's very individual.

So, how do you know if you know if you're doing it right? How do you build a relationship that will last? In class we learned about something called the Relationship Attachment Model that helps to answer those questions, I think. It looks like this:



Our society has a very high rate of failing relationships, and I think this is part of the reason why. So many people have a tendency to jump straight to touch, and have that be the foundation of their relationships. But touching someone isn't a good way on its own to get to know what kind of a person they actually are. In order to commit to someone, you need to be able to rely on them; in order to rely on them, you need to be able to trust them. And in order to trust someone, you need to know them. The attachment that comes with touching someone is important, but the order and the scale of these things is crucial to relationship success. A relationship succeeds based on so many things, but mutual knowledge (which comes through communication) of each other is absolutely essential.

Again, you don't need to know everything. But making wise and prayerful decisions lets you know enough.